Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
