I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
