i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
