If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize