i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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