based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
