I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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