I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
