There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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