this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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