She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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