After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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