It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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