i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
