I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
