i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
