just tell him i said nine months
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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