I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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