my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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