Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize