Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
