it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The air was thick with penises
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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