In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
