i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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