fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
