Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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