the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
