You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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