we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
