haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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