Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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