it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize