where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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