Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
