i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
