u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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