We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
