I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
