Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Green mimosas i think yes
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Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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