somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
