WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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