Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
