I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
