I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
