Sponge bath it is.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
