I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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