Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
