the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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