Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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