They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
