If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
