Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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