someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
