So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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