Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
