He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
