You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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