if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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