So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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