I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
