Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
