If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
