This girl is more easily done than said...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
