Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No subtext here. People are naked.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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