Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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