I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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