'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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