i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
