I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
