There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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