so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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