There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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