Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
