Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
