I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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