Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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