____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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