Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
