Porn is love you can see.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry about my life...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
