Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
