Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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