if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
