guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
