those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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